Eventually, I managed to pick him up and put him back in bed. That was a challenge because Bean was sleeping in my arms. It's quite a funny visual really. My bony frame holding a 20 lb sleeping baby and struggling to get a 30 lb tantruming, wet-noodle, crying toddler back in to bed. I can't lay Bean down to sleep because he screams bloody murder and makes himself sick, remember? So, I did get Baby J back in to bed without waking Bean and I sat down in the chair in Baby J's room thinking that my presence might help soothe him. Wrong. He just screamed and cried and whimpered and thrashed around. He was more agitated with me in the room so I left. And he went back to sleep. And then he woke up again. And then he went back to sleep again.
I had to wake him up at 8:00 because today is a school day. I know, I know. Bad Idea. He got up on the wrong side of the bed. Big surprise. "I don't want to wake up." "I don't want to go downstairs." "I don't want to eat." "I don't want to get dressed." "I don't want to go potty." "I don't want to go to school." "I don't want to stay home." And on and on and on. I'll admit that I lost my patience. Yes, I yelled. I'm not proud but it happened. A couple of times. And he cried. And sulked. It doesn't happen often but I'm not sure why I ever let myself get to that point. It accomplishes nothing and just makes us both feel worse. I mean really, fighting with a 3-year-old serves no purpose. It just turns me in to a 3-year-old. I feel like the worst mom in the world when I behave that way.
I thought about keeping him home from school on his request but decided to take him anyway. I knew he would regret not going and I would hear all about it all. day. long. So, we went. When we first got there, he hung on my leg and asked me to stay but he wasn't overly upset. Then, another little girl got very emotional when her mom tried to leave. So, Baby J freaked. His teacher did a good job of distracting him so I could leave. When I peeked in the room a few minutes later, he was happily playing with the Little People castle thing. Awesome.
So Bean and I did our thing for a while and when we went to pick Baby J up, he was in a great mood. Such a good mood that he didn't want to leave and wouldn't stop playing with the castle. He wasn't listening to me so I tried to bribe him with lunch from McDonald's (worst mommy of the day moment). That didn't work so one of the teachers helped me transition him out the door.
I helped him get in the car and told him to wait for me to get Bean strapped in. That's our routine. I help Baby J in to the car, strap Bean in and then go back and strap Baby J in. It works because it's too hard for me to strap Baby J in while holding Bean and Baby J is safe from moving cars if he sits in the seat. So, I pulled out of the parking lot and realized I forgot one thing. I didn't strap Baby J in (really, really bad worst mommy of the day moment). Thankfully, I realized immediately and pulled in to the other parking lot entrance and got out to strap him in. Baby J threw an absolute fit. He thought he was hot stuff without the straps. I warned him that he wouldn't get McDonald's if he didn't settle down. He didn't settle. Just screamed more and more about wanting chicken nuggets. I didn't follow through with the punishment (another worst mommy of the day moment). I just wanted quiet. I took him to McDonald's . It actually turned out to be a good thing because it seemed to turn his mood around. I thought for sure he would take a great nap given that he woke up too early and played really hard at school.
Wrong. These pictures are from yesterday. He napped beautifully yesterday. He started in his bed. Slept for a while. Woke for a minute, crawled on to the floor and passed out again. Today was a different story. He fought it so hard. He played with stray threads on his blankets and even his eyelashes and his lips. Anything to keep from falling asleep. I knew he needed sleep and I was getting so frustrated so I yelled (yet another worst mommy of the day moment). Again. Yeah, that's going to work. Yelling will help him settle down and sleep. So, no. That was a big fail. And Baby J didn't take a nap. I feel like my parenting with Baby J was a colossal FAIL today and I am determined to lose the Worst Mom of the Day Award tomorrow. I will do better. He deserves better.
Bean, on the other hand, is having a great day despite having a thoroughly overwhelming and exhausting day yesterday. He had his appointment at the CP clinic. Though it was draining, I'm glad we went this route instead of just seeing the physiatrist. I had to get him up much earlier than his usual wake time and we were there all morning. The day started out with the OT. We talked about a lot of his fine motor, feeding and sensory issues. Then came speech. The ST talked with me for a while and then did the REEL assessment. Bean's receptive language is delayed but not too bad. He compares to 13-15 month olds in receptive language - that would be just enough to qualify for services. He is, unfortunately, much, much more delayed in expressive language. He compares to 5-6 month olds. Ouch. For anyone that has trouble with math, that's a 68% delay. I knew he was delayed. Really, really delayed. I do his HELP strands every couple of months, so I know he is really behind. But still, it was hard to hear. This assessment is a good thing, though because the ST is making a recommendation that he begins receiving speech therapy right away instead of waiting until he is 2. I'm hoping that her recommendation will help push it through the system that recommends waiting until 2.
The PT and physiatrist were next. Bean was pretty worn out at that point and did a great job of expressing his displeasure. Still, they were able to see what they needed to see and they do not feel that he needs AFOs right now. He has low tone, but it's mild. He pronates, but it's mild. He's making progress on his own. He's standing independently and taking one or two steps occasionally. They will do another assessment in six months. He should be walking independently by then and it may cause too much stress on his ankles so they want to reevaluate but they were very optimistic that he will be fine without the extra support of orthotics.
The appointment concluded with a social worker talking with me to see if there's any thing he can do to support our family. This was really fantastic. We are currently in the process of getting approved for supplemental insurance/medical assistance for Bean. It's a very bureaucratic process so even though our application is already in process, he's going to follow up with the case worker at medical assistance and try to help push it through. Awesome! If the time does come that Bean needs AFOs, the medical assistance will help pay for it. For now though, we're going to save that money and say, "Heck no, AFOs!"